Added: Korrine Salaam - Date: 19.08.2021 02:43 - Views: 30704 - Clicks: 3321
So, I would take part in all sporting events, but I would convince people that I absolutely hated dancing. I would love reading all the plays, but I would never audition for the role. I would sing all the time in my room, but I seldom took it to the stage. A decade later, when I look back at most of these actions and decisions, or lack thereof, I can tell that I never really hated dancing, and that I would have actually loved acting and performing in general.
There they were, systematically laid down before me. Each with an explanation. I began to meet, and challenge, my own ideas and assumptions about myself, one by one. After I started to understand my own self and my issues more closely, I started consciously trying to change the way I thought about myself and what I could do.
Here is what was wrong with me, what I learnt from that book, and how I fixed it. I hope this helps you in your journey to a more confident, fulfilled life. Picture How to be more confident woman confident person. Or something of that sort? I was always told that confidence was something similar to assertiveness, almost like aggression, something you could see when in someone who is sticking to their guns.
I also just kept on listening to others instead of contributing, I relied entirely on collaborations instead of spearheading my own projects, and I was always unsure of what I was doing. It took me a while to understand that perhaps confidence manifests itself in a slightly different form in women, and that I did not necessarily have to act in ways that I was not comfortable with just to make myself a more confident person.
Research has shown that women who exhibit classic s of confidence — such as being bold and assertive, the same qualities we admire in our male leaders — can actually be perceived as too bitchy, rough and lead to the woman being disliked, even by women. It took me a while to learn that perhaps that was not what true confidence was. Perhaps, my confidence could be quiet. Perhaps, gentle persuasion was a better way of dealing with a disagreement than direct assertiveness. Perhaps, my whole understanding of confidence till now was entirely wrong.
As put by Kirsten Gillibrand. You want to make women celebrate their own strong points. They just need to recognise they are not deficient in any way. They just need to know what it takes to be successful and define that in a way they fully understand. A Stanford Business School study shows that women who can switch between their traditionally feminine qualities, defined as collaboration, process orientation, persuasion and humility, and their traditionally masculine qualities, defined as aggressiveness, assertiveness and confidence, perform the best at work — better than their male counterparts, and their female counterparts who only exhibit either traditionally female or male qualities.
I mentioned that I was a good girl, but I was such a good girl that I picked my college majors based on what my family wanted me to pick. Sure, I was the one making the decision, but it was not an independent one at all. Law school was, needless to say, difficult, but it was difficult How to be more confident woman an entirely different way for me.
Unsurprisingly, it also made me feel like I was not really cut out for law school myself, but I wanted to continue being How to be more confident woman golden child so I did what I was supposed to do. Sounds familiar? As someone with a younger brother, I can see this trait play out in real life. While I agonise over weeks about what our parents might think, he just shrugs and gets back to whatever he wants to do. One particular chat with my brother when I was getting mad at our parents for not letting me go to film school brought along with it an epiphany.
After hearing my constant bickering about how they were so unfair to stop me from going, and how much I had really wanted to at the time, and a few other things that I had not stopped repeating for years after I started law school, my brother simply said:. That level of defiance was never instilled in me. What helped me break out of this habit was to be more vocal about my emotions, choices and decisions, with everyone.
If I had to break a few conventions to get where I wanted to be, I broke them.
Start really small. When I say I ruminated over silly things for hours at a time, really picture a cow chewing that cud over and over again, like it gets paid for it. It got to a point where I would stop before any exciting project just because I would start to explore all the possible possibilities that could happen, and I would be frozen on the spot because what if the topic was not relevant, and what How to be more confident woman the source was not that credible in the first place, and what about that casual nod Abe gave when I mentioned it, maybe it is not that interesting, and oh my god, what if people laugh at me?
This chatter, this needless need to be a perfectionist with every project of mine and to please everyone, stopped me from ever attempting anything, and that inaction in turn made me less confident about everything every passing day. There is only one antidote to paralysis, and that is movement. If confidence does not reside in you naturally, you have to cook it up.
The confidence to do something can only come from doing that very thing. Here is an example.
When I wasI was not very good at math. I developed that perception of myself all by myself. It was a fact, a trait of mine set in stone. Luckily for me, my parents believed in paying extra attention to our weaker areas, so instead of giving up, I had to attend extra tuition classes to make up for it.
Letting it go was never a choice. In fact, I had to do it every single day, especially during vacations. I was still pretty terrible.
But I kept going. Fast forward to tenth grade, and I ended up scoring the highest grade. The kid who was about to flunk fourth grade math, the kid with a mental block, the kid who always treated math as a weakness made it — all because she kept at it.
Being a perfectionist is detrimental in many ways, but it is especially terrible because it negates the very existence of improvement and progress. You are not a terrible driver, you are a terrible driver today. You are not a bad public speaker, you are just one today. I am not a great writer, I am just not that great today. And that is okay. Tomorrow, we will be better than today, and day after? A month later? A year later? We will only know if we keep at it. Confidence is, in fact, also borne out of failure, because failing something ifies your trial, your ability to take criticism, and your survival.
There is nothing worse than waiting or whining till you are perfect to begin something. TLDR; Recognise your strengths. Think less. Act more. in. How I became a more confident woman. Pema Follow.
Be Yourself Don't instruct, share. Battling my ennui. One story at a time. Be Yourself Follow. Don't instruct, share. Written by Pema Follow. More From Medium. Elle Fredine in Publishous. Marvi Masud in Invisible Illness. Overcoming Obstacles. Michael Atkins. Chidera Stephanie. When you feel held back, blame this person.
Jeffrey Bonkiewicz. What saves us. Adam Sommer. Brian Kurian in Publishous. The Downside of Ambition and Glory-Seeking. Amfield in Adventures in Applied Classics.How to be more confident woman
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How I became a more confident woman