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Going along with what other people want just feels like the better — or easier — thing to do. Standing up for ourselves is about having boundaries, and importantly, knowing how to assert them. When this happens, you leave yourself wide open to being taken advantage of. The first step in learning how to stand up for yourself is to understand why you feel this way.
But deep down, it holds you prisoner to the needs and wishes of everyone but yourself. You might have looked after a parent who was unwell mentally, physically or emotionally and who over-relied on you. Maybe you were overly empathic towards them. You worried about hurting their feelings or making them How to stand up for yourself bad if you were to express how you felt or what you really wanted.
If you relate to this, you might find yourself grappling with a lot of guilt — perhaps even today. Alternatively, you may have grown up with very strict parents where standing up for yourself was out of the question.
A parent — or both — ruled the roost. When you expressed what you wanted or how you felt, you were shot down — punished, ignored or abandoned. Over time, you learnt to make yourself small, and suppress your needs altogether. If this feels familiar, you might find yourself in similar relationships today. Pinpoint why you find standing up for yourself so difficult — did you relate to any of the above?
See if you can clearly identify what experiences in your childhood might have led you to undermine your own needs. When we understand why we behave in a certain way, we open the door to changing that behaviour. Make a note of all the ways you might be giving too much — in your relationships, at work, home etc.
Once you know where the imbalances are, you can gradually start to level them out, one by one. Shift the focus onto you and what you want. You might find that you need to do this over and over again. Start small and build your confidence up slowly — assertiveness is a skill which means you need to practice it.
Some examples of this in action:. Expect to feel guilty, and push on through anyway — watch out for any guilt, and simply acknowledge it when it comes. Consider whether you might be stuck in any unhealthy relationships How to stand up for yourself if you are, you need to find a healthier balance. Ideally these relationships will naturally shift into a healthier place as you build your assertiveness. The people who love and care for you will want to see you grow. They might not have been recognised as such when you were younger but you have the power to make sure that they are now.
Call: Facebook Twitter. The idea of standing up for yourself fills you with dread. Or maybe they do come, but further down the line, at the wrong moment and in a burst of anger and frustration. You generally prefer to play second fiddle instead of taking the limelight.
You likely overcommit yourself at work e. Why do I struggle to stand up for myself? How to stand up for yourself and break the pattern Pinpoint why you find standing up for yourself so difficult — did you relate to any of the above?
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