Stay in a relationship or leave

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Although the former may be the clear and obvious choice, breaking up Stay in a relationship or leave someone is easier said than done. According to a study, conducted by the University of Utah, published in the Social Psychology and Personality Science journal, there's a scientific basis for why breaking up with someone is so hard. Participants took a survey consisting of open-ended questions on specific reasons for why they would break up or stay together. Some were married, some were dating, and some were even in the middle of deciding whether or not they should break up with their partner.

Researchers resolved that there are about 27 basic reasons for wanting to stay in a relationshipsuch as emotional intimacy, investment, and a sense of obligation. There are also 23 basic reasons for wanting to leave, such as issues with a partner's personality, breach of trust, and partner withdrawal. According to Anita A. Often, it comes down to couples realizing they just don't know how to make a relationship work.

Nearly half of the participants in the study had good reasons to both stay and go. For the most part, people felt ambivalent about their relationships — even if the decision seemed pretty obvious. According to the lead author, psychology professor Samantha Joel, most people have standards and deal-breakers that go out the window when they meet someone.

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And, from an evolutionary perspective, our ancestors probably believed it was most important to find a partner than The One. According to John Mayerclinical psychologist at Doctor On Demand, one reason breakups are so hard is that we don't equate ending a relationship with real loss, which is a problem because a breakup technically is a major loss.

In fact, a study published in the journal PLoS One found that a breakup could bring about depression-like symptoms in people in the same way sudden loss would. It's also difficult to end an unsatisfying relationship when you're not just thinking about your own needs. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people are less likely to initiate a breakup when they believe their partner is dependent on them or would be completely devastated to lose them.

In other words, they would sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of their partner — which also isn't the best reason to stay. Regardless of the reasons why you're thinking of ending a relationship, Stay in a relationship or leave the decision to actually do it is difficult.

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According to Chlipala, Mayer, Pasko, Rosalind Sedacca, CLCdating and relationship coach, Davida Rappaportspiritual counselor and dating expert, and Stef Safranmatchmaker and dating expert, here are 34 questions you should ask yourself if you're having trouble deciding what to do:. Oftentimes breakup conversations turn into a long dramatic conversation that lasts for hours. It doesn't not have to be this way. Experts also say to make it a clean break.

According to Stone, these are short go-to statements that can be said over and over again when emotions are running high. If effective, these will help keep you grounded.

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If you want to remain friends, give it some time first. Creating some distance post-breakup will give both you and your ex some time to reorganize your thoughts and heal before moving forward. At the end of the day, no one can decide what you should do about your relationship but you.

But those who find the courage to look beyond the self-centered pain are the ones who learn from their relationships. Joel, S. Wanting to Stay and Wanting to Go. On staying in the relationship for the sake of the romantic partner. Verhallen, A. Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression -like symptoms.

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Anita A. Chlipalad marriage and family therapist. John Mayerclinical psychologist at Doctor On Demand. Rosalind Sedaccadating and relationship coach. Karolina Paskoregistered clinical therapist. Davida Rappaportspiritual counselor and dating expert. Stef Safranmatchmaker and dating expert. Emily Stone, PhDd marriage and family therapist.

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Lisa Concepcionrelationship coach and founder of LoveQuest Coaching. By Kristine Fellizar. Updated: July 20, Originally Published: Feb. According to Chlipala, Mayer, Pasko, Rosalind Sedacca, CLCdating and relationship coach, Davida Rappaportspiritual counselor and dating expert, and Stef Safranmatchmaker and dating expert, here are 34 questions you should ask yourself if you're having trouble deciding what to do: Have I been feeling unsafe, intimidated or threatened in this relationship?

Have I been criticized, degraded or disrespected on a consistent basis? Have I been regularly interrogated about who I talk to, where I go, how much money I spend and related issues? Does my partner always blame me or others for their problems or things that go wrong? Is my partner excessively possessive, calling or texting constantly, visiting expectantly to check up on me?

Does my partner make me feel inadequate?

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How am I helping the other person grow in their life? How can I end this relationship without leaving doors open? What did I learn from this relationship?

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How did we grow from this relationship? How is this ending going to improve my life? Does my partner keep their word or Stay in a relationship or leave Does my partner take responsibility? Do I want them holding my hand on my death bed? Can my partner become financially responsible? Does this person make me happy or would I be happier by myself? Have I asked for my needs to be met directly and respectfully or have I assumed my partner can take a hint? Am I expecting my partner to be the Stay in a relationship or leave one who changes or have I cleaned up my side of the street?

What's the true motivation behind ending a relationship? What am I missing? Do I want to break things off because I don't want to move forward with them? Am I interested in starting something with someone else? Am I being fair to them or am I stringing them along?

Will this decision make me feel better about myself? Am I running away from facing my deep fears? Do we have the same values and goals for the future? Am I just super pissed off right now or do I want to breakup for real? Does this person bring me joy? Will I regret this five years from now? Have I tried everything? Am I ready to walk-away or am I going to end it and get back together? Can I handle being single? Studies referenced: Joel, S. Chlipalad marriage and family therapist Dr.

John Mayerclinical psychologist at Doctor On Demand Rosalind Sedaccadating and relationship coach Karolina Paskoregistered clinical therapist Davida Rappaportspiritual counselor and dating expert Stef Safranmatchmaker and dating expert Emily Stone, PhDd marriage and family therapist Lisa Concepcionrelationship coach and founder of LoveQuest Coaching.

Stay in a relationship or leave

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3 Ways to Know If You Should Stay or Leave a Relationship